The Order can be best described as a complete mess. I never thought Id see a spiritual thriller worse than Exorcist II: The Heretic. I was wrong. Written and directed by Brian Helgeland (the writer/director behind A Knights Tale), this inept monstrosity is not only religiously offensive, but offensive to the art of filmmaking. What could have easily been a wonderfully crafted religious thriller is reduced to an incomprehensible pile of rubbish most likely sent to us from the dark recesses of Helland you thought Gigli was bad.

           The Order follows Alex Bernier (Heath Ledger, who is far better than this) as he follows his mentors killer to Rome, only to discover a secret order of people called the Sin Eaters, a group of fallen Priests who eat off of those who are dying in order to remove their sins and grant them absolution. He is aided by his friend Mara Sinclair, the lovely Shannyn Sossamon (A Knights Tale), an actress I lost a great deal of respect when she named her real life son Audio Science! Along the way, Alex and crew face demons both mental and physical. In one such scene, actual demons attack Alex in a cemetery. Why are they there? I have no idea. Does Alex appear frightened at the site of Satans Hellish monsters? No. He casts them away and then proceeds to act as though this is some sort of daily occurrence for all those who practice religion. I dont know about you, but if I faced an actual demon I wouldnt be acting so nonchalantly about it.

            Another strange occurrence takes place about midway through the film when Alex and fellow priest friend Thomas Garrett played by Mark Addy (also from A Knights Tale) travel to a strange Roman S&M club. There they are guided to a secret Pagan punishment chamber underneath the club. Just in case you didnt know this, all S&M clubs come equipped with secret underground Pagan punishment chambers, or at least in Brian Helgelands world. There they meet up with some guy who looks like he belongs in Star Wars. He, in turn, gives them information about what they are to do next. It was at this point that I realized why I hated this feeble movie. I was already offended by its religious context, but now we have a plot that resembles some third rate role playing video game. I leaned over to my friend next to me and asked him if he had the strategy guide.

             I am surprised that those who opposed Kevin Smiths positive faith film, Dogma, didnt say anything about this film because its offensive to not only Catholics, but to Christians, Pagans and pretty much any faith you can think of. The film was chuck full of strange, dark imagery that didnt really relate to anything. This forced me to gather that Brian Helgeland knows nothing about faith, religion, and love. The films strangest struggle was with its overall religious message. While the film thrashed about in numerous places, it really had a hard time trying to figure out whether it was pro faith or negative faith. Granted studio pressure might have caused this, but I feel as though this was intentional. The only strong point I culled from this disaster was that Brian favors Protestant ideals over Catholicism. Brain implies that he hates how organized and cruel Catholics can be. Being a former Catholic, Im now Protestant; I was still fairly offended though I still would never walk out on the film. Walking out of a film is like leaving a baseball game early just because your team isnt winning. The point of a film isnt at the beginning; its usually at the end. In the end, however, I did not feel that Brians interpretation was accurate. It felt like an idea that lacked research to support it. If you get offended easily by such things, avoid the film on that merit.

            Yet another disturbing facet of this film is its visual effects. It is rumored that the film was pushed back from its original release because of laughable effects, but it seems they didnt change anything. I dont understand most of the visual imagery. It is not scary nor is it effective on any level. When someones sins are removed in the film, the object that jumps from their body looks remarkably like a Sentinel from The Matrix. I was thinking to myself jokingly; So, thats what our sins look likesquids.  

            After about two dozen glances at my watch and few chuckles at the films unintentional hilarity, the movie was over. Am I a better person for watching it? Yes, because now you wont have to. Do not see this movie if you have any respect for yourselves. Play a cheap role playing game on your PC or XBOX. Im sure all you new college students can find something more productive with your time. Honestly, studying is more entertaining. If a good religious thriller is still what you seek, go back to the oldies. Check out The Omen or The Exorcist, but avoid The Order.